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Layne Staley
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I'll never forget the day that for me, music died a very tragic and lonely death. It was April 20, 2002 and I was at home
watching the news on TV when the man on the screen said that Layne Staley had died. My heart seemed to stop beating and
everything around me began to spin. I still don't know why I was so shocked at the time as I had known for years that Layne
was battleing an addiction to heroin. Still, this was Layne Staley and he was supposed to be invinsible! I began to cry
and my son, who was also shook up, came and sat next to me. Holding hands we both sat and cried silently, both of us for our own
reasons. For my son, it was the loss of yet another connection to his father that we lost to drugs. For me it was incredibly personal.
You see, I belonged to the 'Generation X' era and I was living in Seattle and was
blessed to have witness the birth of the 'Seattle Sound', more commonly known as 'Grunge Rock'. I was in my twenties, in a
turbulous marriage with a drummer and strung out on crank and heroin. These were some of the darkest times of my life. And yet in
the midst of this confusion came such a hauntingly beautiful voice that would keep me company when I felt so alone. That
voice that gave me so much hope belonged to Layne Staley. I would listen to him and all those feelings he expressed that I connected with and
I no longer felt so alone in the world. He helped me to face one more day. Now he was gone, my old friend. I had been 'clean' for many years by
this time and my heart broke that he had not been given the same gift I had....freedom! But mostly, my heart broke because he had died alone.
People can say what they want of Layne, but I understand the pain of dope sickness and it isn't as easy to stop as people think.
He did not deserve to be so alone, I only wish he knew that. He had demons in his head that I guess no one understood. He was too
deep and tender to be in this cold world. Now maybe he can find the peace and freedom he never seemed to be able to find here.
Now almost 5 years later, I still morn and miss him. Every year on April 5th I light candles for him and Kurt Cobain who died on the same day eight years before
Layne did and I toss flowers into the ocean in their memory. The one gift Layne left me and all the others who were touched by him, is his music
which still lives on. And to this day when I am in my darkest hours, I invite my old friend in and listen to him sing me back into hope again.
Thank you for that Layne! You will never know how you touched and changed my life! May your legacy live on forever and
through your death may a message of life and hope be given to others who fight the same battles you did. Bless your Mom for her efforts
with drug dependency in other musicians so that this tragedy doesnt happen again. To visit and maybe make a donation to this wonderful cause, please visit
The Layne Staley Fund
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